


The Hours of Separation

by jeien



Category: Kamen Rider Blade
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M, Post-Series, Series Spoilers, Spoilers for the Blade novel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-18
Updated: 2015-11-18
Packaged: 2018-05-02 05:10:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,553
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5235395
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jeien/pseuds/jeien
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hajime and the Human Undead talk about loss, love, and Kenzaki.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Hours of Separation

**Author's Note:**

> So I just finished Blade last night after two years and I wrote this in a few hours because I'm still not over the ending. Kenzaki and Hajime ruined me.

The first time Hajime actually heard the voice of the Human Undead was after Amane died in 2064. It had said, gently, “You will be alright.”

Hajime lost track of time since then. Days blended into months. Months blended into years. The colors of night and day and four seasons swirled together in a chaotic movement to accompany the sounds of human life that slowly devolved into grating noise. Hajime was constantly numb and dumbstruck—never really knowing which emotion to follow because they were all equally tempting. The Human Undead merely watched over him in his dreams, since no human can stay with him and help him grieve. The Human Undead remained silent: he knew that what Hajime needed weren’t words. Hajime needed a presence.

“These emotions,” Hajime said during one dream, “are difficult.”

The Human Undead’s lips never parted, but his voice came from every direction. “It is what makes humans strong. They bear this pain in their hearts—pain worse than any injury to the body—and still walk forward.”

“I only live among the humans,” Hajime said. He couldn’t bring himself to say _I am the Joker_ out loud. It would have desecrated a very important memory. The Human Undead seemed to agree with his restraint.

“I gave you my heart,” the Human Undead said. “You, too, will learn how to deal with your pain. You will be able to move forward. You will be alright.”

It takes another ten years for Hajime to come to terms with Amane’s death. The ache in his chest remained. Its dull pulse reminded him of…

“Did I do the right thing?” Hajime asks the Human Undead in another dream. He brings his hand to rest over where the heart should be. The ache swells slightly after each heartbeat. _He must be feeling the same pulse_ , Hajime pondered, _wherever he is_. Thinking about that person only made the pain worse—his wild emotions gripped at his chest tighter. “He’s suffering. Should I really have let him spare me?”

The Human Undead did not respond.

\--

He never stayed in one place for long. The decades he spent with his human companions from the modern Battle Fight had been enough for him. He couldn’t bring himself to form any attachments with their descendents. Should any danger arise involving the Undead or the current Battle Fight, he didn’t want them to take part in any of it. Hajime didn’t know what else to do—the only thing that comes to mind might prove catastrophic to the world. The regret grips his heart and mind often. He was so accustomed in seeing it manifest within other humans that he never thought to prepare for the day it would wrap itself around him like a second skin. He wonders if the dull pain in his chest—the one belonging to the other half of his pair—was also from regret.

“Kenzaki Kazuma will never regret his decision to save you,” the Human Undead tells him in one dream. “He took the poison of eternity to grant your wish for a life amongst humans. Knowing he was able to give you that happiness is the strength he uses to fight his suffering.”

“Why? Granting my selfish wish, at the cost of his own humanity—his own death—was…”

Hajime remembers seeing Kenzaki’s image on the park bench. He remembers Kenzaki’s eyes crinkled in little half moons as he smiled. He remembers the lilt of his voice as he called his name. He pressed his lips in a tight line and willed his hands to stop shaking. Hajime knew that those words weren’t true: Kenzaki was suffering and Kenzaki was feeling regretful. He can feel it in his very core, past the heart the Human Undead had given him. This was pure instinct and it never lied when it came to the Undead.

The Human Undead could sense his hesitation. “He loved you with his entire being. He wanted to show you that. He was—and still is—willing to forsake his own humanity so you will never have to be alone again.”

“How can he show me love when he’s not here?!” Hajime’s yell charged the air of the dream with static. The echoes of _he’s not here_ took a long time to die down. Shaky, heaving breaths wracked his entire body. “If love is about companionship or intimacy, we can never achieve that. You say he did this so that I can never be alone, yet look where I am now. Our human friends are dead. We can never be close to one another. If love is about self-sacrifice, then he should have let me…”

He choked out a sob, falling to his knees. He had never cried these kinds of tears before: not even when Amane, the young human child he had formed the closest bond to, had died. Hajime’s heart yearned for Kenzaki, but their duty to the world kept them apart. Their wish to keep the human world intact came at the cost of their misery. Neither of them could afford to be selfish anymore. Yet it didn’t keep Hajime from wanting to bridge the distance between him and Kenzaki—didn’t keep Hajime from wanting to see him, hear him, hold him. The heart he was bestowed with became a burden.

The Human Undead went up to him and crouched down, placing a hand on Hajime’s shoulder. “This is the extent of his love for you. What is the extent of your love for him?”

Hajime woke from the dream, fresh tears dripping from his eyes, and mulled over the Human Undead’s words. Kenzaki had fought against Hajime’s fate and won: the Joker never destroyed humanity. He gripped at his chest, where his heart should be, and let out the last of his tears. Kenzaki had fought fate and won.

Hajime mounted his motorcycle and set off.

He felt Kenzaki’s despair throughout the next three hundred years. He felt Kenzaki’s regret. He felt Kenzaki slowly lose himself to the madness that came with eternity. Despite the pain, the Human Undead urged Hajime forward.

He rode towards another lead. Hajime wants to believe, in his heart of hearts, that Kenzaki will continue to hang on—at least until he can win his own battle against fate. He can hear the Human Undead’s words in his mind: _You will be alright_. As long as he believes in that, Hajime will never give up on saving them both.

*

* *

* * *

* *

*

In the year 2437, their bodies were sprawled out on the beach, basking in the sunlight and the soft ocean breeze.

“Are we really just going to lie here all day?” Kenzaki asked, shifting to rest on his side. “We’re not going to see each other for another year, you know.”

“It’ll go by quickly,” Hajime said, closing his eyes. The sand between his toes reminded him of a distant time, when he had lazed around on the beach with Amane. “The last few years did.”

Kenzaki sighed and fell onto his back again. “I just want to make the most of today. It feels like there’s never enough time, but… This one day _has_ to be enough.”

“It doesn’t have to be.”

“What, you want to risk another end-of-the-world via those Dark Roach things?”

“Maybe.”

Kenzaki jolted into a sitting position at the suggestion, ready to give the speech about sparing humanity and a Rider’s mission (even though he himself lost purpose for a while). His words faltered when he saw the sly upturn of Hajime’s lips. “You bastard. That’s not funny.”

Hajime huffed out a laugh. “I hear it’s an acquired taste of humor.”

“One I don’t think I’ll ever get used to.”

“You never know. We have an eternity.”

Despite Kenzaki’s complaints, they did spend the day lying around on the beach and nothing much else. When the sun was starting to set and they walked towards their motorcycles to part for the year, Hajime cleared his voice. Kenzaki paused in putting up the kickstand.

“When I said it doesn’t have to be enough,” Hajime said, “I meant it.”

“Hajime,” Kenzaki said, trailing off. His eyes widened. “Hajime, you don’t have to—”

“You didn’t have to be kind to me. You didn’t have to try and understand me. You didn’t have to protect me when Undead and your fellow Riders were out to seal me. You didn’t have to turn into Joker for me.” Hajime looked straight into Kenzaki’s eyes. “I know I don’t have to do this, but I will anyway. Because I love you.”

“Hajime…”

He felt a warm sensation spread throughout his body—and he knows Kenzaki felt it, too. It was enough to render the dull ache of grief and loss and eternity painless. It was enough to keep them hoping.

“I’m not one who settles on compromises,” Hajime said, mounting his bike. “I’ll find a way to fix this while keeping humanity safe, no matter how long it takes. So wait for me, Kenzaki.”

Kenzaki’s expression softened. For the first time since they reunited, Kenzaki smiled. If Hajime didn’t know better, he would have mistaken that moment to be one from over four hundred years ago.

“I’ll wait, Hajime. We have all eternity.”

Hajime smiled back.

“You’ll be alright. _We’ll_ be alright.”

**Author's Note:**

> I wasn't able to find a very detailed summary of the Blade novel, so I made my own interpretation of their yearly beach meetings. 
> 
> I hope that wrecked you all as much as it wrecked me lol.


End file.
